


Under a Starry Sky

by pretzelduck



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Getting Together, Handholding, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Takes Place After Castle Attack Night 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretzelduck/pseuds/pretzelduck
Summary: Unable to sleep on a night when everything had gone wrong, Tetsuya Naito finds himself side-by-side with Jay White.  And then everything starts to go so very right.
Relationships: Naito Tetsuya/Jay White
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Five More Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has taken on a life of its own while I've been working on it so here's the first chapter. :)

It was probably too late at night to be out here. Too late and a bit too cold. 

But sleep was far too elusive. Tetsuya was tired but at the same time, he was too exhausted to sleep. There was too much on his mind. Too many failures and disappointments. It was the way so much of his career as a wrestler had gone and he should be used to it by now. And Tetsuya knew that eventually he would be more at ease with it. But right now, it was this little nugget of aggravation that was keeping him awake. So he had gone for a walk, wandering around the hotel. Every reasonable person was sleeping and there was this aura of calm and quiet everywhere. The outdoor seating area seemed like a decent enough destination so Tetsuya ignored the odd look from the employee he passed and headed outside.

Only to be confronted by a single silhouette. And it was one his mind had long since memorized - even though he probably shouldn't have.

Jay White.

Leaning up against the railing, Jay seemed to be just looking up at the night sky. For a moment, Tetsuya thought about walking back inside and finding somewhere else to be sleepless. And he knew that if it had been anyone else out there, he would have. This was Jay White, though, and - as always - he was in his own category in Tetsuya's mind. It was a small enough area that there really wasn't room for the two of them to ignore one another. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to do that in the first place. There was something that was drawing him over to where Jay was.

As always.

"Are you reminding the stars that it is still your era?"

And as always, when Jay turned, Tetsuya had to prepare himself for the playful light in those eyes. For the way - before he remembered or thought too much - Jay always looked happy to see him. It would quickly disappear but that never stopped him from enjoying the sight.

"Did that already. You're too slow, Naito."

With a few steps, they were standing side-by-side and Tetsuya joined Jay in leaning against the railing. 

"Pity."

There should be something more for him to say. To continue the banter and the dialogue. The words were stuck, though. Tetsuya had seen Jay like this before - dressed casually with a stocking cap pulled down over the tops of his ears - but only in pictures from photo shoots. Never quite like this. Never when he was close enough to touch. Jay seemed softer like this. His emotions seemingly less likely to ignite and spark. It was hard to look away - to focus his attention upwards at the stars obscured by clouds and ambient light. Staring was a terrible idea, though. No matter how badly he wanted to take in every detail.

"I'm surprised you're not sleeping."

Even Jay's voice was softer. Not just the tone but the words themselves. It was as if he had left the Switchblade behind in his hotel room and Tetsuya couldn't keep the small smile off his face. Tonight had been awful. Yet another failure in a long line of them. But this moment felt like the tiniest of victories.

"Too tired to sleep." It was the sort of weakness that was foolish to point out to a rival but Tetsuya trusted Jay with it. Particularly here as they both stared up at the sky. Besides, he knew why he was out here so late but that didn't explain why Jay was here. "What about you? Why are you out here?"

For a moment, their gazes met and he could see this shaky sort of wonder in Jay's eyes before it quickly disappeared. As if Tetsuya asking him a barely personal question was something he couldn't quite comprehend. Or maybe it was his own honesty that had thrown Jay for a loop. He looked like that if he was bold enough to do it, this version of Jay might actually kiss him back.

"Careful, Naito. That almost sounds like you care."

And there was that razor sharp tone that was always lurking somewhere. Slashing madly and fiercely to keep everyone and anyone away. But Tetsuya had never liked being told what to do. For as much as that tone was supposed to drive him away, it just drew him closer. It was so obviously a front - a disguise - and he never understood how no one else seemed to realize that.

But it was the sentiment that bothered him. Did Jay really think that? Really think that he didn't care? Through all of their games and smiles and banter, he thought he made his affection almost too obvious sometimes. Or had all of these months without even standing across from one another in a ring - without interruption - made what existed between them more difficult for Jay to see? 

It had done the opposite for Tetsuya. Each opponent that wasn't Jay White stood in clear contrast to him. Even Ibushi - who was enjoyable to face but didn't make him happy - although he suspected that Jay felt differently about that. No one else made him smile like Jay did. Something real and genuine. And during those months when Jay hadn't even been in Japan, Tetsuya had missed him. Missed knowing that - even if their paths didn't cross - Jay was there. How long would it be until their paths crossed again? How many more months?

But they were both here. Right now.

"I do care."

He felt Jay - always so full of bluster - turn to stride away but that was the last thing that Tetsuya wanted to happen. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Jay's forearm. The barest of touches, the lightest of pressure. Everything went so very still. Jay went so very still. They had had their hands - literally - all over one another numerous times but this? Despite the layers of fabric between his hand and Jay's skin, it felt far more intimate than any other touch that had come before it. 

Tetsuya didn't dare look up. It would be too easy to spook Jay a second time. He wanted that mask of the Switchblade to stay away for a little longer. He wanted this softer Jay to stay here for a little longer. So he stared at his own hand and soaked in the warmth that Jay was giving off. It was there under his fingertips and even in the air between them. 

Of course he was warm.

It only made sense for that brilliant heart that burned so bright to give off such warmth. The night didn't feel quite as cold, standing here with Jay like this. The weight of failure had almost completely drifted away and Tetsuya wished - fiercely and demanding - that he knew exactly how to tell Jay the difference his presence alone had made. Words could so easily be misunderstood or ignored.

Actions spoke louder than words, though.

Slowly and deliberately, Tetsuya slid his hand downward along Jay's sleeve. He hesitated for half of a heartbeat as he reached the cuff but tentatively, his fingers touched skin. Jay's slight whimper was made even more audible by the silence of the world around them. They had touched each other before - in so many different ways - but this gentleness was brand new. Tetsuya trailed his fingers along until they were - in the loosest definition of the phrase - holding hands. Palms hovering over one another. Fingers brushing against each other. He was just uncertain enough about his welcome to not want to risk applying any force or weight. The absolute last thing he wanted was for Jay to pull his hand away. 

Who knew when this sort of moment would come again?

The sight of their hands - not joined but together - put one of those genuine smiles on his face. Tetsuya wanted more, though. He wanted to tangle their fingers together. He wanted to grasp and to hold on and to not let go. But only if Jay was willing to take that step with him. This was that dance of theirs - the back and forth - and it was Jay's turn to make a move.

He was so very still, though. It didn't seem natural or right. Tetsuya was far more accustomed to Jay's constant movement. Gesturing widely, pacing around… these things made sense. This stillness didn't. And neither did the silence. Carefully, Tetsuya tilted his head just enough so he could see the expression on Jay's face and something - deep down - ached at the sight.

So much doubt and disbelief in those always striking eyes. 

Jay was fixated on their hands. Tetsuya wasn't even sure if Jay realized that he was looking at him. But that was all right for the moment because it let him watch and wait. To take in the idea that their hands - so loosely together - was something so difficult for Jay to comprehend. Just how much had been lost in all of these months apart? Or worse - had Jay never really believed in any of it? Not believed the words he himself had said about how they were meant to be. The words Tetsuya could still hear when it was late and he was all alone.

"Jay?"

The sound of his own voice surprised him. The strangled neediness of that single precious word. The last thing he had wanted to do was disturb this moment of connection - no matter how frozen it was right now. Tetsuya waited for Jay to leave, almost certain that he would. Instead, his eyes didn't even move and he didn't make a sound. It was as if he hadn't heard him at all. There was a long - seemingly endless - minute where nothing happened. 

But then Tetsuya felt the barest of caresses against the back of his hand. The sensation drew his eyes back down to their hands and he watched - completely mesmerized - as Jay's thumb ever-so-warily glided across his skin. Each millimeter seemed like one more than he expected to be allowed to touch. There was barely any pressure with the motion but Tetsuya felt the weight of it anyway.

Cold air filled his lungs as if he suddenly remembered how to breathe.

Carefully, Tetsuya started to wrap his fingers around Jay's, watching the way they intertwined and tangled together. That warmth spread between them as their palms came closer and closer. But it was Jay that took that final step. With a startling urgency, he took a hold of Tetsuya's hand - grasping and tightening. It was just on the wrong side of too tight but all that did was remind him of that disbelief he had seen in Jay's eyes. So he held on just as tightly, taking in the simple fact that they were holding hands. Revelling in it. A little, tiny thing to be sure but something that felt monumental. It was soothing and steadying and he hoped with what remained of his energy tonight that Jay was experiencing the same thing.

But he almost needed to see if that doubt was still there. See if maybe this moment had washed some of it away. A brief glance back up became something longer as their eyes met. The doubt was clearly lingering - in a way that hurt - but the corners of that tempting mouth were turned up in a delicate but true smile. It was a sight that was impossible to look away from. Tetsuya had never seen Jay smile like that and all he could do was try and believe that this was simply the first time. Not the last or the only.

"I wanted you to win."

Tetsuya could tell by the widening of his eyes that Jay hadn't intended to say that out loud. But it was a sentiment that he wrapped up and tucked away in his heart. There was something to be treasured about the idea of Jay watching his match and hoping and cheering him on - even if it had all been in the privacy of his own mind. 

But Tetsuya had failed anyway. Again.

"Careful, Jay. That almost sounds like you care." 

Jay's grip on his hand squeezed just a little bit more and it was honestly painful. But he could endure it if Jay needed it to keep moving forward with him. Ignore it if it kept their fingers threaded together and their hands laying against the railing like this.

"I do care." 

Tetsuya had heard Jay holler at everyone and anyone - no matter if they were listening. He had heard him rant and rave. And then there had been the way he had spoken after Wrestle Kingdom - a desperate broken cadence. But now Jay sounded unlike Tetsuya had ever heard him. Quiet and soft and tender. And the words themselves? It was more than just another example of their back and forth bantering. This was them being honest with both themselves and each other. 

After all this time.

But that disbelief was still there and Jay still had a death grip on his hand. So Tetsuya shifted over so they were that much closer. Their shoulders rubbed against one another and that warmth spread from their hands to their shoulders and all the way down to his toes.

"Why are you out here?"

Tetsuya tried to keep his voice as soft and as quiet as Jay's had been, despite his curiosity and concern. He actually wanted to know why Jay wasn't sleeping but he had no idea if he was going to get any sort of answer. The question had one effect that he hadn't intended, though. Jay's eyes turned away from him to stare back up at the night sky and Tetsuya immediately missed that part of this connection. Moments passed but at least they were still holding hands. He could be patient as long as they still had that. 

"I was going to challenge you after you won. You said no one would so I was going to." 

That was what had kept Jay up?

A plan for a future that could no longer occur?

A plan that had matched his own unspoken and half-formed ideas. 

A plan that would have brought them back together.

Tetsuya had thought about it - once again daring Jay to come and take the belt - but something so simple as fear had made him talk around it. It often seemed like when he wanted something bad enough to speak of it aloud - to be a little less tranquilo - those were the times that he failed. Like he had tonight. So he had been vague and had hoped Jay could hear what he wanted to say in the empty spaces between his words.

And he had.

"I wanted you to."

That truthful admission was enough for Jay to look back at him and the intensity of the clash between fear and hope in those eyes was almost too much to look at. He burned so brightly and Tetsuya found himself - once again - wondering how Jay endured it. Or if he even did at all.

"But now… Naito..."

He was absolutely certain that no one had ever said his name with the depth of longing that Jay had managed to imbue it with. It took everything he had to remain patient and still. He would be hearing that in his dreams for nights to come. And now he wondered what sort of effect it would have if - when - Jay ever used his first name. He tried to imagine 'Tetsuya' sounding like that and he couldn't quite pull it off.

But in between those three stilted words, Jay was right.

The rest of Bullet Club was a different story but the only thing he wanted to feud with Jay over was a title belt. He didn't want to have to fight him for any other reason. It had been like that for a while but it was a far more solidified notion with Jay's hand still wrapped around his. But where did that leave them now?

There was no title. No reason to stand across from one another. No excuse for banter and teasing and what Tetsuya liked to assume - and it seemed he might be right - was mutual flirting. It had been too long and if those months apart really had caused Jay to forget, what damage would more of them cause? Those feuds and those matches were the only reason they had to be like this. And he was the one that had cost them main eventing Wrestle Kingdom together. With his own pride goading him into giving Ibushi a title match and with yet another failure to achieve what he wanted. 

Though, in this moment - and so many others - what his heart wanted was something else. Someone else.

"Perhaps now, we don't need the ring to be close like this."

They were near enough to one another that Tetsuya could hear Jay's sharp intake of breath. Could see the sudden wary tension in his body. But Jay's hand was still in his and he showed not a single sign of wanting to pull it away. All he could do was hope. There were balconies and hotel rooms and apartments and hallways. Plenty of spaces in which they could carve out something for themselves, far away from rings and arenas.

If Jay was willing to try.

The tightness of Jay's grip lessened and by instinct, Tetsuya matched him. For a moment, his heart tried to panic but even as the pressure eased, Jay's hand remained still. Where there had been pressure, there was this tentative gentleness in the way Jay was holding his hand. Something softer and fonder and a different sort of warm. The tension in his body slowly faded as the smile on Jay's face slowly brightened.

"This is nice, isn't it?"

And there was so much hope and wonder in Jay's voice that Tetsuya knew the smile on his own face was probably more tender than it had been in a while.

"It is."

So much had been lost tonight and if things went the way Ibushi wanted them to, yet more would soon be lost. But this? The threads that bound him and Jay together had been renewed and strengthened, finally starting to develop into something that Tetsuya had begun to doubt would ever happen. And that light in Jay's eyes had reappeared rather than disappeared. The relief he felt from that was almost as strong as the contentment he felt from the quiet joy that was surrounding them.

The night had gone so terribly wrong that the idea that something this nice could come from it seemed almost impossible. But here they were anyway. 

Tetsuya knew that he should be sleeping and now that he felt at ease once more, exhaustion was likely soon to follow. He didn't want to go inside yet. He didn't want to move yet. He didn't want to end this moment of theirs. But his eyes hadn't left Jay's face so he caught him doing his best to stifle a yawn. Tetsuya wasn't sure if he had ever seen Jay look embarrassed but there was something sweet about it - not that he was going to say that aloud. Not yet anyway.

"Sorry about that."

"We should sleep." And those words made Jay tighten his grip and pull their joined hands a little closer to him. Tetsuya's own heart skipped a bit at the gesture. Jay didn't want their moment to end either. "Jay…"

And that strangled neediness had returned to his voice. Maybe it was the only way he could say Jay's name right now. Especially with the way Jay was looking at him with both need and fear. Tetsuya didn't like that fear. He felt it too but he was trying so hard to ignore it. To trust that there would be more of these moments. To believe that tonight they had taken the sort of step forward that could not be undone. 

"Five more minutes, Naito."

Jay didn't say 'please' but Tetsuya could hear it so very clearly. But the problem with five more minutes was that he wanted five more minutes. And ten. And twenty. With the way Jay was holding his hand, he knew that he wasn't alone in that, either. They were here - right now - and maybe they were both a little afraid that when this moment ended, it wouldn't come again.

As gently as he could, Tetsuya tugged their joined hands back toward him and upwards so he could place a kiss against the back of Jay's hand. It was romantic and sentimental and hopefully not too much. Not a step too far. But all Tetsuya saw on Jay's face was a longing that matched his own.

"You could stay with me tonight..." There was this needy, guttural noise but Tetsuya had no idea which one of them made it. "... if you want."

But he knew that it was Jay's hand that started to tremble. He could feel it through their still-entwined fingers and holding on even tighter seemed to do nothing. The worst part was that Tetsuya had no idea what was wrong. Didn't Jay want to be close like that? Had he been the only one who had daydreamed about such things?

"You want me to?"

Oh.

There was that disbelief. It was there in just how shaky Jay's voice was and it was there in the something that had shattered behind Jay's eyes. And it was almost confirmation of something that Tetsuya had long suspected: the Switchblade wasn't real. It was just a persona that Jay had created. This was Jay White. Soft and warm. Playful and uncertain.

His Jay was the real one.

"Come on."


	2. Fifth Time is the Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jay offers to sleep on the floor.

Tetsuya took a step away from the railing, never letting go of Jay's hand. With a quick, sharp nod, Jay followed and they walked to the door - still holding hands. By unspoken agreement, they finally let go of one another as they walked inside. Instantly, Tetsuya's hand felt empty and wrong but it was an almost heartening sensation. Holding Jay's hand had been _that_ right _that_ quickly. Nothing was said as they walked along the hallways and headed to his hotel room. It wasn't the bad sort of silence, though. They were together.

He was more nervous than he wanted to be, though. It wasn't an emotion that he felt very often and it was proving to be annoyingly difficult to shake. Jay seemed unsure enough for the both of them; Tetsuya didn't want to compound the problem and make it worse. Or maybe Jay would be more comfortable if he mentioned his own case of unsettled nerves.

There were just enough things that he was wondering about to keep him from being completely _tranquilo_ about what was happening. Mainly, would _this_ Jay - the Jay in a faded hooded sweatshirt who had held his hand - kiss him back if he made that first move?

Kissing Jay White was something that Tetsuya had thought about more than he wanted to. It was this insistent sort of thing that would pop up at the strangest of times. Random moments in which his mind would become annoyingly preoccupied by imagining what those lips would feel like against his. And it had been like that since the first time he had laid eyes on him which felt right and ridiculous all at once. 

Thankfully, the hallways were empty and quiet as they walked. Still silent, they entered his hotel room - Tetsuya gesturing when Jay hesitated at the threshold. And now here they were. The only two people in this tiny world of theirs. Jay White was actually standing in his hotel room and there was a part of Tetsuya that had doubted they would ever get this far. But they had. He had failed so disastrously tonight but perhaps that wasn't quite his _destino_. 

Maybe _this_ was.

The smile on Jay's face was fragile but it was there. And Tetsuya found himself wishing that he wasn't so tired. That it hadn't been such a long day. There was no way he was going to stay awake long enough for some of the ideas that were floating around in his brain. But they could be tired together.

"Do you have an extra blanket and pillow I can use?"

That made little sense.

"Hmm?"

Jay pointed at a bare spot on the floor and Tetsuya had a very bad feeling about the bizarre line of thinking that seemed to be going through Jay's mind. 

"I figured I'd sleep on the sofa but since you don't have one in here…"

Why would he want to sleep on a sofa? And why was he suggesting the _floor_ in exchange? Wasn't the entire point of this to share a bed? To be close to one another? Tetsuya didn't think that their various language differences were the problem. A misunderstanding in vocabulary wouldn't put such a dejected expression on Jay's face. They were only a few steps apart but the gap felt much larger than that.

"A sofa?"

"It would be _enough_."

Oh that heart. 

That brilliant, blazing heart. 

Just how badly had Jay burned _himself_ with it if he was capable of being satisfied with such a small gesture? And the raw ache in those eyes was almost physically painful to see. Tetsuya crossed the distance between them and, without thinking too deeply about it, held Jay's head between his hands. 

"But it wouldn't be." Tetsuya leaned forward slowly, hating the wariness in Jay's eyes that strengthened the closer he got. "Not for me."

He had imagined what it would be like to kiss Jay far too many times. A barely there peck. A battle for control. An unrequited failure. None of those imaginings was correct. There was this moment where nothing happened. Just his lips brushing against Jay's with no response at all. But then from one heartbeat to the next, _everything_ changed. Jay's arms wrapped around him and he surged forward into their kiss. There was no gentleness in it. Only desperation and fear. Jay kissed like a dying man - someone so completely certain that there would never be another chance or another moment - and he _had_ to take advantage of every single second. 

And there was no sweetly bursting joy in their first kiss. No quiet acceptance of mutual affection. All he could feel was this twisted ache deep in his own heart.

Tetsuya tried to soothe Jay's fears with tender caresses. To reassure him with slowness and softness. But nothing seemed to help. Jay clung to him so closely that he could feel just how badly his whole body was trembling. Trying to pull away - to see if maybe words would be better this time - made things worse. Fingers gripped that much harder and Jay's kiss became that much more manic. 

It took a little bit more force than Tetsuya wanted to use to separate them. Jay's eyes were wide and distraught but it was the way he had completely let go of him that _hurt_. Tetsuya kept one hand resting in the middle of Jay's back while the other gently cradled one side of his face.

"I'll just go."

Had he ever heard Jay sound so small? And once again, he wasn't making any sense. Why would he want to leave? Tetsuya's thumb brushed along his cheekbone of its own volition. 

"No reason for you to leave. It wasn't the best kiss but the next one will be better."

"The next one?" 

Disbelief tainted each one of those words just like it had tainted their kiss and Tetsuya wanted to find a way to get back to the warmth and the wonder Jay had shown him before. It was still there but he had no idea how deeply Jay had buried it.

"That was just the first." Jay looked like he was going to argue or disagree or something else that would be far more entertaining in any other circumstance so Tetsuya leaned forward and quickly placed a kiss against his left cheek. " _Dos_." Another to his right cheek right next to his own hand. " _Tres_." He lingered a bit on a much softer kiss to Jay's forehead. " _Cuatro_."

When he pulled back, the fragile smile on Jay's face was there once again but it was the hand lightly resting above his hip that put Tetsuya more at ease. That seemed to have helped, if nothing else. It definitely hadn't made things worse. 

"So does that mean that fifth time's the charm?"

Jay's voice was soft but playful but all Tetsuya could hear was the hope in it. They both leaned forward at the same time and when their lips touched, they were both smiling. 

And this kiss was his favorite of the sorts of kisses that Tetsuya had imagined in all of those random moments when he couldn't get his mind to focus on anything else. Their mouths moved both tentatively and softly as they melted against one another. Jay wrapped his arms around him again but with tenderness instead of despair. There was hesitation in his movements but all that made Tetsuya think of how much fun it was going to be to slowly kiss all of that hesitancy away in the days and months to come. That quiet joy was surrounding them again and it really did feel like it was meant to be.

If _this_ had been their first kiss, it would have been ideal. For a moment, Tetsuya was half-tempted to forget what had come before and remember only this moment. But he knew that if he wanted this to last - if he wanted to keep _this_ Jay - then he needed to remember. So Tetsuya took that desperation and that fear and put it away in the back of his own mind. 

They slowly pulled back from one another but Tetsuya refused to do anything other than hold Jay in a loose embrace. It felt _good_ to be this close with nothing between them other than affection. For the only eyes on them to be their own. He could be as gentle as he always wanted to be - even when he had tried to tell himself otherwise. The expression on Jay's face was still a little concerning, though. That disbelief was still there, trying to intrude on their time together. It was as if Jay couldn't quite believe that this - that _they_ \- were real. 

Tetsuya didn't know how to fix that. How to make it fade away and stay gone. But he supposed that continuing to show Jay the things he had kept hidden was at least something he could start with. There was a smirk on his face as he reached up and pulled the cap off Jay's head, flinging it to the floor in a random direction.

"Much better." Jay looked almost adorably confused. "It was in my way."

"In your way?"

His fingers slowly carded through Jay's hair as it cascaded down. Not that pulling and tugging on those strands wasn't fun - because it _was_ \- but Tetsuya had wondered what this would be like so many times before. Running his fingers through Jay's hair with that gentleness. Brushing it away from his face. But those wonderings hadn't prepared him for the way that Jay leaned into his fingertips or for the way his eyes ever-so-briefly fluttered closed. 

Jay _liked_ that. He liked _him_ doing that.

That warmth had spread back into his toes and Tetsuya wanted to stay just like this. But the match and the late night were both swiftly catching up with him. He was hesitant to bring up sleeping again, though. Jay had honestly suggested sleeping on the _floor_ , after all.

"How the fuck are you still this awake?"

And now Jay was looking at him with concern. Not disbelief or doubt but worry. He knew Jay's moods could change quickly but that was usually from frustration to anger or other such things. But this was an emotion that he had never seen Jay show and it was for him.

Jay really did care about him.

"I'm not. You're imagining things." And there was that exasperated chuckle that he had teased out of Jay a few times before - all those months ago. "Bed sounds nice, though."

"I should…"

Tetsuya pressed a quick kiss to Jay's lips to stop him from saying another word. They were not having any sort of discussion about sleeping on the floor.

"No."

"Naito…" Another kiss just made Jay roll his eyes. "Are you going to let me talk?"

"Not when I have such a good way to interrupt you."

He was expecting Jay to roll his eyes or look exasperated or to try and talk over him so the fondness on his face was a surprise. It was the exact opposite of a bad surprise, though. This was Jay letting him see that softness - unburying it from where he kept it hidden.

"I'm not…" Jay leaned back to avoid another kiss with a smirk on his face. "Too slow again." Jay's fingers came up to cover his mouth and Tetsuya knew that Jay could feel his own smirk against his skin. It was tempting to pull Jay's hand away - to start pressing kisses to fingertips - but the feel of Jay's skin against his own was even more tempting. "I'm not the best sleeper, Naito. I… toss and turn... a lot. This is probably a bad idea."

If it was a bad idea, then it was a bad idea that Jay had gone along with at first. It was a bad idea that they both wanted. But this was that clash between hope and fear - and fear was winning. Almost worse than that fear, though, was the image that had formed in Tetsuya's mind. Jay, restless and alone, night after night. It was an image that he almost _needed_ to erase. There was hope, though, too. It could be found in the fact that Jay had shared that weakness with him. Had let him that little bit closer. Taking Jay's hand in his, Tetsuya placed a kiss to the palm, once again enjoying the ability to finally show Jay a little bit of tenderness.

"The only bad idea was you thinking that you are sleeping anywhere other than beside me."

Anyone who saw Jay White in this moment would never be able to take the Switchblade seriously ever again. But this moment belonged only to them so Tetsuya was the only one who could see how lost and overwhelmed he looked. As if he had been presented with something that he had barely dared to dream about and was terrified of losing it. And Tetsuya knew that he would never forget what Jay looked like with _please don't disappear on me_ shining so clearly in his eyes. 

He wasn't the only one who had tried to imagine a body that he didn't know in the ways he wanted curled up beside him in slumber.

But now they were here. _Together_.

Tetsuya still had a hold of Jay's hand so he tugged on it like he had back outside and took a step toward the bed. With that fragile smile starting to appear, Jay nodded just once and followed. It was quiet as they both removed clothing and did what they needed to do to head to bed. By the time he got out of the bathroom, the rest of the hotel room was completely dark. There was the slightest sound of breathing to tell him that Jay was actually in the bed and not on the floor, thankfully. And normally, the darkness was something he wanted for the purposes of sleeping but tonight was about more than just sleep. Carefully feeling his way around, he opened the curtains just enough to let in some ambient light. 

"What are you doing?"

Climbing into the bed as his eyes adjusted to the difference, Tetsuya wasn't surprised to find Jay lying on his side on the far edge of the bed. Trying to take up as little room as possible. Put as much distance between them as he could. Facing away from him. It wasn't what he wanted but at least Jay was still there.

"I want to be able to see you."

He shifted until he was lying in the middle of the bed, curled up on his side and facing Jay. There wasn't a lot of light but it was enough that Tetsuya could see the tension across his upper back and just how tightly he was holding himself. It was as if each step forward they took together was two steps further than Jay believed they would ever take. He was scared. An odd thought to have about Jay White but it was the truth. That's what this was. _His Jay_ \- the real one - was terrified. Not of him but of _them_.

And not for the first time, Tetsuya, for a moment, wished he could go back in time until he was once again standing in front of a pretty Young Lion with so much potential and who never did what Tetsuya told him to do. He had felt the possibility of this bond between them even then. Felt Jay's eyes upon him and had done his best to look only when Jay wasn't watching. Tried to ignore his attraction and his growing affection. He had told himself to wait - to be _tranquilo_ \- until Jay had returned from his excursion. But he had come back different and a little broken and Tetsuya had wondered if Jay had outgrown him. Forgotten all about him. And then - finally - they had stood in front of one another once more and it was all still there. Buried and battered but there.

What would have been different if Tetsuya had reached for Jay's hand back then - at the very beginning all those years ago?

Maybe they would still be in this very bed but where there now was distance, instead there would be none. Arms wrapped around each other and both soundly asleep - happily secure in the years of love and comfort between them. It was what he wanted more than he had words for.

So Tetsuya reached out once more and let his fingertips faintly glide along Jay's bare shoulder. Caressed their way across his upper back. Gently played with strands of his hair. Each motion made Jay tremble a little bit more but Tetsuya resisted the urge to cross that distance and pull Jay into his arms. They had gotten this far but he wanted just a little bit more. He needed Jay to choose to roll over. To choose to come closer and reach out. He needed Jay to choose _him_.

"Please, Jay."

And there was that strangled neediness in his voice again even though the words were barely louder than a whisper. For a moment, it echoed in the silence of the room but then there was a rustling of fabric, the mattress dipped, and there was enough light for Tetsuya to see the warmth in Jay's eyes. Another bit of movement and he was _right there_. Heads resting on separate pillows but ever-so-close to one another. Neither of them needed to reach out; they were near enough to kiss and caress and so many other things that Tetsuya was far too tired for. 

"Te… Naito."

That simple slip-up jolted his mind into a little bit more wakefulness, though. That was _his_ name. His given name. The one that he had never heard Jay use. It was there - on the tip of his tongue. It was on his mind. Jay wouldn't have almost said it if there wasn't a part of him that thought of him like that. That thought of him as 'Tetsuya' instead of 'Naito.' He wanted to hear it. Had wondered what it would sound like so many times before.

Maybe he could tease it from Jay's lips with another kiss.

But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, Jay brushed across his lower lip with his thumb and Tetsuya couldn't think about anything else. It took all of his remaining focus to keep his eyes open as Jay's thumb continued - tracing a path along his cheekbone and up to his forehead. The caress sank into Tetsuya's skin and settled into his bones. That fondness was there in Jay's expression again only to be joined by pure wonder as his hand slid into Tetsuya's hair and he didn't bother stifling the sigh that escaped his throat. 

It wasn't the first time that Jay had had his hand in Tetsuya's hair but this was so vastly different. Fingertips gently grazed along his scalp and there was no reason to do anything but enjoy the moment and the sensation. This was physical proof of Jay's affection and Tetsuya knew that he was the one who made the slight whimper when Jay eventually pulled his hand away. It settled over his heart, though, and that was _nice_ , too.

"You should do that more often."

Jay's eyes lit up in a way Tetsuya had never seen before. Not just on Jay but from anyone. No one had ever looked at him like that. No one ever looked at him like Jay had _always_ looked at him. 

"And you should sleep." 

Tetsuya waited for Jay to say more. To say that he was staying - that he wasn't going to leave. He wanted to hear that Jay would still be there when he woke up. But there was nothing else. For all that Jay always kept talking, in this, his words were hard to come by. Everything was catching up with him, though. It was getting harder and harder to force his eyes to stay open. Jay adjusted the blankets so they were both better tucked in and that was all it took. 

His eyes drifted closed but Tetsuya tried to remain aware and awake for as long as he could. Maybe if he held out long enough Jay would whisper his name if he thought he was asleep. Or say something else that he could tuck away inside his heart. He was too tired to stay awake for long, though, and he felt himself slipping into slumber.

Not even Jay's tender kiss to his forehead could stop it.


End file.
